Buzzfeed asked their BuzzFeed Community for the sex advice they WISH they could tell their younger selves. Here’s what they had to say:
1. Lube is your friend.
“Lube. For the love of god, don’t be afraid to buy lube. It will make that one position soooooo much better.” —Emma Matlock (Facebook)
2. Always be honest with your intentions before you bang.
“Never lie to get sex. If you want a casual thing, be honest and say so. Maybe they say yes, maybe they say no. Don’t make someone believe or tell them you like them more than you do. It’s just wrong and you will feel like crap too when you break their heart. —abuffalover
3. Sometimes…it won’t be great.
“Not everyone you have sex with will be good at handling your penis. Some will scrape it with their teeth, chafe it with insanely bad hand jobs, or make it bend at weird angles when you’re doing the deed. Speak up, or you’ll have a sore penis.” —kevinb111
4. Baby oil does not belong near your genitals.
“Never use baby lotion as lube. It will feel good at first but holy moly it will burn after!!!!” —bmulgad
5. She should finish first, tbh.
“It’s not about you, take care of her first and you’ll get yours…” —Jason Lawson (Facebook)
6. Masturbate all the damn time.
“MASTURBATE! As much as humanly possible. Not only do you get to know your body on a whole new level, you may be saving yourself from a one-night stand that you’d regret. And use whatever you need to go get you off. I like websites like sex-hd.xxx.” —Cody Shay Snyder (Facebook)
7. Sex doesn’t look or feel like it does on screen, so don’t judge yourself against that standard.
“Movie sex (or porn sex) and real sex have very little in common. Most of what you see on screen is either not very plausible in real life or not very enjoyable. It can be helpful to get some ideas from porn to try out with your partner though. Websites like watchmygf.xxx are a good place for inspiration.” —Susan Fry (Facebook)
8. It’s OK to be into some weird stuff. You do you.
“Don’t be ashamed of what turns you on or gets you off and to ask for it. You deserve to enjoy yourself just as much as the other person.” —Michelle Nicole (Facebook)
9. Take the time to figure out ~where~ everything is.
10. Queefs, cramps, weird smells…yeah, it all happens. Go with it.
“Don’t get mortified; it’s not worth it. Sometimes embarrassing or silly things happen. Enjoy the ridiculousness of it. Usually the other person wants to laugh about it WITH you because they think it’s cute and they like you even more for it.” —rachelp4d9153c2b
11. Maybe don’t expect earth-shattering orgasms right out of the gate.
“You won’t orgasm your first time… probably not on your second, third, fourth, or fifth either.” —courtneylayne
12. Your number means nothing.
“To not sweat ‘the number.’ I was taught to hold a lot of pride in staying abstinent. The first time I had sex I was raped, and if I continued to put my virginty or the number of guys I’ve slept with on that high of a pedestal getting over being raped would be impossible. Be responsible, wear protection, have fun, and above all remember that you are more than who you lost your virginity to or the number of men you’ve slept with.” —Annst1081492
13. Peeing after sex is IMPORTANT for anyone with a vagina.
“Always pee after. ALWAYS. UTIs are not fun.” —alexismaureenl
14. So is general down-there cleanliness.
“Oh gosh, wash yourself. I could have saved myself from countless UTIs had we washed up before/after down there.” —kaitlynnicolew
15. Btw, you look fucking hot.
“Don’t be so shy or too conscious about your body. You’re beautiful and he is dying to see your naked body. Enjoy yourself! He thinks you look hot, that’s why he is there naked with you. OWN IT!!!!” —Ikik Topun (Facebook)
16. Orgasms aren’t the gold standard of satisfaction.
“Just because the other person didn’t orgasm, doesn’t mean they didn’t have fun.”
17. Drunk sex isn’t usually good sex.
“Don’t SEX while under the influence! It’s sloppy and all over the place and in the end isn’t even that much fun if it isn’t with someone you care about.” —brittw4471abf14
18. Condoms. ALL OF THE CONDOMS.
“Use a condom!! Every time!!!!!!! The ribbed ones are quite nice.” —codia
19. Seriously, always have multiple condoms.
“Change condoms between anal and vaginal sex… Don’t use the same one especially when you go back from anal to vaginal sex.” —Kaili Xia (Facebook)
20. Your body should be treated with respect.
“If he doesn’t like/insults your vulva, get out of there.” —laurenpratt1997
21. Wish they would move a little to the left? Say that.
“It’s OK and it can even be fun and sexy to tell/help someone figure out what your body likes. You can’t just expect people to be able to know what is an effective way to touch you, because every body is different.” —Carly Morgan Nelson (Facebook)
22. Consent is nonnegotiable.
“You know all that stuff about consent? Yeah, well, it’s real, not just a funny meme.” —alexo48370bf10
23. Don’t want to do something? That’s fine, just say so.
“Blow jobs are not mandatory! You are under NO obligation to give them. Be in control of your sexual experience!” —andih40c60e46d
24. You might be having sex with the wrong sex.
“You’re a lesbian. Stop sleeping with guys, it won’t get better.” —bobbiec485f81aef
25. Fake orgasms help no one.
“Stop. Faking. Orgasms.” —christinak4c924587c
26. Losing your virginity is not a race.
“Don’t be stressed out if you’re ‘older’ and haven’t had sex yet. Focus on being your best self and you’ll attract the people you really want to be with.” —caits2
27. Keep an open mind about ~kinky stuff~.
“Some things may sound weird or unpleasant or even awful, but sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone can be so worth it, and you may find something that pushes all the right buttons.” —jennig41cc7364f
28. Sex on your period can be fantastic.
“Period sex is actually pretty awesome. Don’t be so grossed out by it. Plus it’s an excuse to shower together after!” —giannaw46bbc5340
29. When you’re having sex, everyone should be REALLY amped to be there.
“Most important advice ever for young men. Hold out for enthusiasm, not just acquiescence. It’ll be worth it.” —paulb4b41b878b
30. It’s fine to be picky.
“Not that guy. Or that guy. Heavens, not that guy either! Good lord, just stop already.” —Lia Patris (Facebook)
31. You could like someone A LOT and still not want to have sex with them.
“Just because they are being nice, doesn’t mean they care and deserve to be in your vag.” —Teilah Thatcher (Facebook)
32. Or you could not like someone AT ALL but still really want to have sex with them.
“It is special… but not THAT special. If you are comfortable and prepared (physically, emotionally, condom-ly) then go for it. You don’t have to wait months and months and make sure you are ‘in love.’” —erynef
33. Fun fact: Women like sex just as much as dudes do.
“Women do like and want sex, actually. It’s not a favor she does for you; it’s something the two of you do together for each other. Talk and listen openly and respectfully. Get over yourself. Worry about her pleasure first, and you’ll never be disappointed.” —Aaron Hoover (Facebook)
34. Not being in the mood to have sex sometimes is also totally normal and not a sign that you’re broken.
“You have a right to say no. Yes, even in a long-term relationship where you’ve been having sex already. And if he makes you feel guilty or is angry with you for saying no, it is probably not a good relationship.” —Sarah Jowett (Facebook)
35. Sloooooooow doooooooown.
“The enjoyment is in the experience. Explore each other’s body and TAKE your time.” —smitty2k34
36. You’ll KNOW when you’re having really good sex.
“It doesn’t get better with age, it gets better with the right person. Which might mean you have to go through a couple of people to finally find that person, but when you do… you won’t even remember being with anyone else.” —lindseyc4a909b3f2
37. Be respectful always.
“Whatever you do, do not laugh when he’s too nervous to keep it up!!!” —canadas
38. Really be in the moment.
“Try to focus on what’s happening. It’s kinda easy to think about everything when someone is going down on you or vice versa.” —gwenapep
“Don’t be so afraid, be safe, but have some fun too.” —Julie Moreno (Facebook)