Chardonnay pairs so well with Lysol.
1. You’re gonna wanna do SOMETHING when you’re tipsy…
2. …And cleaning is way more productive/less life-ruining than drunk-texting your ex.
3. It’s also cheaper than staying out and spending your life savings on more booze.
No matter how loudly your drunk self is clamoring for it.
4. Drinking automatically makes annoying things seem less so.
Like you know how when you’re talking to your horrendously irritating co-worker, it’s so much easier when you’re buzzed? It’s like that, but for dishes.
5. Drinking gives you new, innovative ideas for how to clean.
Like the PARQUET DANCE CRAZE that’s sweeping the nation. (By “nation” I mean “your room.”)
6. As well as plenty of energy.
7. All that productivity will make you feel like you can take on the world.
8. (Especially because being buzzed makes life’s little triumphs seem so much bigger.)
“I swept the hallway? I SHOULD BE PRESIDENT.”
9. You can make cleaning a game!
Drink every time you feel incredibly adult and responsible. Stop when you start vacuuming the houseplants.
10. Or pair your activities with your drink.
The Frisky has some truly ingenious ideas for doing just that.
11. It’s probably not ~safe~ to operate relatively heavy machinery like power-washers, but that doesn’t mean it’s not ~fun~.
12. Drinking is the ideal way to get over that procrastination hump.
You know, the one that’s kept you from scrubbing your grout, ever.
13. Cleaning provides a solo respite when the people you were hanging out with start to bug you/cause drama/be other humans.
14. Life’s too short not to multitask.
Nah Peggy, you’re not.
15. Think of it as a gift to your future self.
16. Because when you wake up totally hungover the next day…
17. The absolute last thing on the planet you’ll want to do is clean.